ACTIVE LISTENING TIPS

                                                                                                                                           by

                                                                                                                                  Chris Breedon

When it comes to conflict resolution, active listening is a crucial skill that can make all the difference in working toward agreement. Active listening involves not only hearing what the other person is saying but also paying attention to their emotions. In this article, we will explore the importance of acknowledgment, how to validate feelings, the value of empathy, how to seek clarity, the benefits of summarising what is expressed. Actively listening for emotions is a powerful way to facilitate conflict resolution.

BENEFITS OF ACTIVE LISTENING FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT 

Listening is a genuine gift of respect. It is not always easy to listen to someone with whom you are in conflict, however. When we disagree with someone, we tend to employ all sorts of listening blocks.

Active listening is probably the most essential component of conflict resolution. When done right, it allows individuals to truly hear and understand the other person's perspective.

When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to be open to finding a resolution that satisfies both parties. Active listening also helps to build trust and rapport between individuals, which is crucial for effective conflict resolution.  

In addition, active listening can help individuals to identify the that are causing the conflict. By getting to the root causes of the conflict, it becomes easier to focuson the core interests of each party. Once the parties are focused on interests, it is much easier to and work together to find a solution that satisfies everyone. 

ACTIVE LISTENING BASICS  

Here is a list of some of the basics to employ when actively listening: 

• Ask open ended questions.
• Try staying quiet and let the other person speak. 
• Pay attention to via body language and tone of voice. 
• Write down your if you’re tempted to interrupt. 
• Minimize toxic positivity.
• Avoid making assumptions. 
• Don't give advice.
• Remo distractions that hinder listening. 
• Don’t derail the conversation. 
• Be aware of your listening filters. 
• Stop rehearsing your response when they’re talking. 
• Don’t become defensive. 
• Being Devil's advocate impedes your ability to listen. 
• Don’t use conflict avoidance tactics such as with everything. 
• Reflect on the underlying emotions of the other person. 
• Listen for their needs and interests. 
• Avoid making assumptions.
• Be aware of your own emotions. 
• Stop making comparisons with the other person.
• Listen with curiosity. 
• Minimize behaviours that impede your ability to listen. 
• Try reframing or restating what is being said. 
• Listen with a fresh perspective and don't be subjective.

Are you focused on listening to the emotions expressed in conflict? 

‍LISTENING FOR EMOTIONS IN CONFLICT 

When someone is in conflict, they are likely to be experiencing a range of emotions, including, anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety. People become more calm when they feel and understood.  

To help we have adopted the IMA's easy-to-recall tool, which uses an acronym, AVECS, which stands for acknowledge, validate, clarify, empathize and summarize.

This tool is outlined below: 

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 ACKNOWLEDGE

Acknowledgement is a way of letting the person know you hear what they are saying. It is also a soothing balm for raging emotions. You can acknowledge someone’s emotions in several ways. By sometimes mirroring the emotions. Examples might include: 

• sighing when someone says how disappointed they are. 
• shrugging when they express confusion. 
• raising eyebrows when they say they’re surprised. 
• shaking your head when they are disappointed about something. 
• nodding when you understand the emotions expressed.

It is important to express emotions in a non-judgmental and objective way. If you don’t understand the emotion expressed, be careful to use these mirroring techniques, because they may feel you are mocking or dismissing them. 

Another way to acknowledge the emotions is simply to what you hear or see in their body language. Pay close attention to how they are communicating emotions. Say something like, “You are really upset!” or “I can see you are disappointed.” 

VALIDATE

Validation takes acknowledgement to the next level, by affirming the legitimacy of someone’s emotions. Through , you let them know you can see that their emotions may be warranted, normal or to be expected in the context of the conflict.  

You can validate emotions by saying something like, “I can understand that you are upset with my decision to deny your request for a promotion.” Or say something like, “It seems anyone in your position would feel angry.” 

By validating someone’s emotions, you recognize their right to feel the way they do. Validation should not be delivered in a judgmental way. It also does not mean you agree with the person. When validating avoid saying something along the lines of, “I know how you feel…” as this can minimize how the other person is experiencing the conflict.  

EMPATHIZE

Empathy is another critical component of listening for emotions in conflict resolution. Empathy involves putting yourself in the other person's shoes and attempting to see the conflict from their  and the emotions they are experiencing.   

To demonstrate , you should try to  the other person's perspective of the conflict. More importantly, try to imagine how you would feel in the other person's shoes. Respond in a way that shows you understand and  about their feelings.  

You may feel compelled to make the person feel better by telling them you sympathize with them, but as Brené Brown explains, “Empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.” The difference between the two approaches is that empathy requires a bit of , to connect with the emotions of the person, or even to admit you don’t know exactly what to say, but you can just tell the other person feels emotional. When individuals demonstrate empathy, they are more likely to build trust and rapport with the other person, which can lead to a more successful resolution. 

CLARIFY 

It’s easy to misinterpret someone’s emotions, and that’s where clarification comes into play. Instead of making  about what you believe someone is feeling, approach them with curiosity. First, in a sincere and caring tone, try to describe the person’s body language and words they have used and then ask what they mean to convey. You can let the person know what you believe they are communicating and seek clarity from them. For example, “I noticed you crossed your arms and moved away from the table when I said you would not receive a promotion. I sense that you are disappointed. Is that right?”   

While it can be tempting to get someone to see the problem from your perspective, clarification enables you to understand theirs. The source of the emotions may surprise you. Instead of disappointment in the bad news, perhaps they actually expected it, but they are embarrassed about their performance. Or perhaps they are emotional because their poor performance was a result of trauma they do not wish to disclose to you. Or they are feeling scapegoated or blamed for the team’s poor performance.  

Instead of guessing, invite the person to clarify what they mean by the emotions they convey. This can help to de-escalate the conflict and create a more productive environment for negotiation and understanding. 

SUMMARISE

No matter which of the above active listening skills is used when listening for feelings, summarising what you believe you have heard can communicate that you are deeply listening.  

Summarising can include active listening techniques such as paraphrasing, reflecting, and restating. Paraphrasing involves repeating what the other person has said in your own words to show that you understand what they told you they are feeling. Reflecting involves mirroring or describing the emotions that the other person is expressing, such as "It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated right now." Restating involves recapping the main points of the conversation to ensure understanding of the emotions the other person is experiencing.

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