Many mangers avoid dealing with conflict and delivering 'difficult' conversations. This blog provides some tips and advice on how to deliver.
Delivering Difficult Conversations at Work?
By
Chris Breedon
If managers ignore problems that need solving in the workplace, employee behaviour could worsen, absenteeism may increase, and relationships across the team may become strained to breaking point. All of these will lead to a drop in staff morale and productivity – it will start to cost the organisation time and money. If they can tackle the problem head on there are many benefits. Generally, solving problems quickly helps reduce stress and the duration of conflict. It will reinforce a positive culture, increase productivity and forge stronger more durable relationships across the team.
However, a difficult conversation in the workplace tends to be one where sensitive topics are brought into the open and is often a meeting the manager dreads. Many will do anything to avoid them and often push to HR instead. Why?
Often these conversations fall way outside most manager’s comfort zone. They are a real challenge for most to deliver effectively and the fear of confrontation and conflict is never far from the surface.
The subject matter might be sensitive, it could be about delivering feedback for poor performance or about incidents of unacceptable behaviour or the delivery of ‘bad’ news. It might be that relationships are already strained between the manager and employee and the perception is that this meeting will only make matters worse. The fear concerning the reaction of the employee to what is being discussed can be palpable, emotions are often running high during these meetings.
Perhaps the biggest issue is a lack of self-confidence. It is a sad fact that most managers don’t receive nearly enough training in how to manage conflict in the work place nor how to deliver ‘difficult’ conversations. This is not the manager’s fault – it is an organisational issue. This lack of confidence can itself be stress inducing and another block to delivery.
What do managers need to do to try and have a successful conversation?
Firstly, the meeting needs to be carefully planned and not rushed into. Is the meeting something the manager has decided to do due to something they have picked up or seen or been told about by another member of staff? Is it to deliver bad news such as a redundancy or a poor performance appraisal? Is it the result of a formal complaint or the outcome of an investigation? These can be very different meetings, and each will require different preparations – however, the skills used in delivering the conversation remain consistent throughout.
In preparing, the manager must ensure they thoroughly understand the underlying issue – it may be however, that the conversation is about uncovering that issue, who is involved and what has happened to this point. If it is the result of HR investigation or of a complaint, or a redundancy etc then HR should be well placed to provide a brief to the manager. Once in receipt of the information and the ‘facts’ then the manager should take time to work out what will be said and how it will be said.
Time should be taken to understand how the employee might approach conflict as well as the manager reflecting on how they, themselves, approach it. This will lessen the chances of personalities getting in the way. Remember, this is generally a two-way conversation and, until the conversation has started the employee’s perception may not be clear – there should be no pre-judging unless the conversation is at the end of a disciplinary process. The participants will want to leave the conversation with their relationship intact.
Once the most appropriate location is decided upon the next biggest task is to structure the conversation. The conversation needs to effectively discuss the issues and progress to agreed solutions or outcomes. This will help decrease the chances of upsetting the employee and creating further conflict. Ideally, have an outcome and or solution in mind before you start but make sure this is ‘agreed’ and not imposed without buy in from the employee.
Just as important as preparing the conversation content is choosing the right time and place to deliver it. Once an appropriate place has been decided on (it may well be away from the manager’s normal office – if they have one – as this will provide a degree of privacy and stop speculation from other members of the team – DON’T keep the door ajar!). Depending on the type of conversation the seating can be relaxed or more formal remember to use Egan’s SOLAR method if appropriate.
Once content and location have been thought though the next consideration is how to deliver on a personal level?
If an employee is to feel valued and heard, then the manager must be empathetic to the situation. Being empathetic doesn’t undermine the manager’s authority or show signs of weakness in fact it’s the opposite – it shows the employee you care. However, it is important to keep the conversation focussed on the subject.
Active Listening skills are vital in this context (see our other blogs and tips for Active Listening on our website). Active Listening is so much more than just hearing what is being said and is a skill that needs practice and refinement. There are many distractions and impediments to Active Listening and the manager should be aware of these and how to control them. If you are forming a reply to what is being said, thinking off topic, making copious notes or thinking of solutions then you are NOT actively listening, and the employee will pick this up.
If the conversation is to be a success then it needs to start in the right way. Getting the opening spot on will put the employee at ease and help the conversation flow. Be welcoming and not aloof – remember the employee is likely to be nervous or stressed – try to put them at ease. Of course, how this is done will depend on the situation – some conversations will require a more formal set up but if the employee isn’t made to feel relaxed there is a distinct possibility of conflict arising. Keep focussed on the topic and don’t drift or procrastinate. Allow the employee to have their say and in many cases the employee may need the Lion’s share of time. Try to keep them focussed, however.
If there are issues to be resolved, then their must be solutions. Some conversations such as at the end of a discipline process will not require much discussion or indeed buy in from the employee. It is vitally important to understand which is which. If a solution is required, then the manager may well have come armed with a few as might the employee. It is important to Brainstorm the options – this will not only deliver the best solution but will make the employee buy into it and therefore, it’s more likely to be successful. It will also help strengthen the relationship.
Once a meeting has concluded it is important not to leave it at that. Thank the employee for their time and engagement. It is also important to follow up the conversation with regular check-ins. This will strengthen the relationship and make sure the agreed solution is implemented.
There are many reasons that managers may avoid a difficult conversation but perhaps the biggest is a complete lack of training. Most reasons can be dealt with by focussed Conflict Management training and understanding how conflict arises, what drives it and how it can be managed. The ability to deliver ‘difficult’ conversations is borne out of such training.
Prospero Mediation and Training deliver Conflict Management Training courses and Active Listening courses designed to help managers navigate the topic.
If you want to learn more about managing workplace conflict and holding difficult conversations? Then don’t hesitate to contact us: info@prosperomediationandtraining.co.uk
