A step by step explanation of how the mediation process is conducted for workplace/personal conflict issues.
Have you ever wanted to know about Workplace/Personal Conflict mediation, what it is, what it involves and who delivers it but have been too afraid to ask?
By Chris Breedon, Mediator and trainer
Once someone has decided that to solve your personal conflict be it with a neighbour, a work colleague or manager, mediation is required they will engage the services of a Mediator. Once this has happened the Mediator will contact the participants to discuss the mediation process and the situation. At Prospero we like to only find out the contact details of those involved and not find out too much about what is going on. Why? Well, I want to hear the issue first-hand from those directly involved, not a 3rd participant’s interpretation of it (fed by their own bias etc) – this will also limit any bias that I bring to the process – yes, every Mediator will have unconscious bias – they are only human after all!
So, what is the process for you, one of the participants involved?
Once the mediation has been arranged the Mediator will initially contact each of the participants, introduce themselves and explain the process:
First, they will ascertain that everyone involved is doing so voluntarily. Mediation does not work if one participant, or both, have been forced to attend or are doing so to save face/look good to HR or their line manager.
They should be neutral and not know either participant.
They will conduct themselves professionally and be fair to each participant.
They will explain that the process is totally confidential – what happens in mediation stays in mediation. Nothing said will be passed onto managers (unless it's something required by law i.e. a threat to do harm etc). Nothing will be passed from one participant to the other by the Mediator.
They will explain that they, the Mediator are not there to solve the problem but rather will facilitate the process and help the participants come to their own solutions. It is, after all, their problem to solve. This means both participants buy into the solution, it is there’s to own – there are no winner or losers unlike other forms of Conflict Resolution.
No record of the mediation, other that the agreement to mediate and the final agreement between the participants, will be kept. Any notes taken will be destroyed immediately after the mediation is concluded.
This can all be explained prior to a personal meeting or, as we prefer, at the initial personal contact. The mediation process can now start in earnest and follows the following route:
An initial, private meeting with participant 1. These meetings are designed to allow trust to be built between the participant and the Mediator prior to both participants being together in the same room. During this meeting the participant explains to the Mediator what has happened and the Mediator, using well developed Active listening skills, gathers the information they require by asking relevant questions.
This meeting allows discussion about the problem, which may contain sensitive issues which might make the participant feel vulnerable in front of the other participant. It allows the Mediator to create a ‘psychologically safe’ space. Often the Mediator will ask some deep and searching questions. This helps them decide what questions to ask, and how, when the two participants are face to face. Itis important that questions posed in the joint meeting do not result in either participant losing face or feeling threatened.
Once the meeting with participant 1 is concluded the Mediator conducts the same meeting with participant 2, allowing them equal opportunity discuss their version of the conflict and what has happened.
A key point to note here is that the Mediator will NOT disclose what either participant has said during these meetings to the other participant.
After these meetings are over the Mediator will then decide if the problem is something they can ‘Mediate’ occasionally the issue is one of rules/procedures which the Mediator has no power to change. In most cases, however, the Mediator will decide the process can continue.
By now it's normally lunchtime.
After lunch the Mediator will invite both participants into the room for the initial part of the joint meeting. This can often be the most emotionally difficult part of the process for everybody. Sometimes one or both participants decide that, though they want the process to continue, they feel unable to be in the same room as the other participant. This is not common but is also not unusual. So, what happens then?
Well, the Mediator will have ensured before the process started that there was at least one other room available at the venue and ideally two. These ‘Breakout Rooms’ are used for exactly this reason, and one is allocated to each participant. Clearly conducting the mediation like this is more difficult than otherwise but Mediators are trained to deliver just as well in these circumstances. If this process is used the Mediator will move between the two rooms as required. Again, the Mediator will only disclose what each participant agrees to as they move between the rooms. Often participants agree to meet face to face during the toing and froing.
Normally though, the participants agree to meet. Once this meeting starts the Mediator will explain the ‘ground rules’ for the session. We like to set the room up so that the participants are sat next to each other but about a little apart and both facing the Mediator. Participant 1 is then asked to start the process by outlining to the Mediator what has happened and how it has affected them. The other participant listens and, ideally tries not to interrupt or use body language to offer their opinion, the Mediator will be alive to this and will re-explain the rules if need be. The Mediator will ask questions during this discourse. Once participant 1 has finished participant 2 has their turn and participant 1 listens under the same rules. During this process the Mediator is creating a list or an ‘Agenda’ as to what they think the issues of the conflict are. Once participant 2 has finished the Mediator will offer their ‘Agenda’ to the participants for discussion and amendment as they see fit – it is their problem after all. However, by maintaining neutrality and fairness and the Mediator has often picked up on issues the participants might not have been aware of. It is truly that veritable Iceberg – what seemed to be the issue at the start is often just the tip.
Now it’s time for the participants to chat to each other.
The chairs are moved so the participants are now facing each other, and they are invited to chat through the issues, this is where the Mediator will use their ‘facilitation’ skills to guide the conversation away from the past conflict and towards the future and how the problem can best be solved so that the participants can resume a normal relationship going forwards. They will often hear things, concessions, agreements etc from one participant that the other might miss, especially if emotions are running high. Slowly agreements are reached for each of the areas and, as they are the Mediator writes down the detail into the Agreement Template.
Eventually an agreed, workable solution for the future materialises. The participants are then invited to help the Mediator compile the written agreement using their own, mutually agreed words and phrases. Sometimes the participants reach agreement without wanting a written record and that’s fine – it is their mediation and their agreement – not the Mediators, the HR dept, nor the Line managers!
Where a written agreement is drafted the participants and the Mediator sign it. It is then up to the participants who gets a copy, just them and the Mediator or do they want HR or Line Managers to have a copy – it is solely their decision.
So, what happens if, during the Joint meeting if one, or both, of the participants finds it all too much and wants to leave?
Well, that decision is the participant’s alone, but the Mediator will do their best to explain what failure might look like and offer the participant the use of the Breakout room. The participant and the Mediator will go to that room and will discuss what the issue is and see if there is a way that the meeting can continue. Normally, a way is found, and the meeting continues. Sometimes though a participant will decide they can’t re-join but do want to continue the process. Again, the Mediator will use their skills to facilitate a solution. On the rare occasion a participant decides they have had enough and do not want to continue – then the mediation is over.
Once an agreement has been reached, drafted and signed the mediation is over. If agreement is not reached in the time available the Mediator may decide to continue the process but, more often than not, this type of Mediation is conducted over the course of a single day. However, our Mediators will continue beyond this is they feel agreement can be reached with just a little more time. If agreement cannot be reached the Mediator will end the session.
What happens now?
The Mediator will speak to the appointing agency be that HR, Line Manager, Landlord, Council etc and tell them the mediation is concluded and whether agreement has been reached or not. NOTHING discussed is disclosed unless the participants have given permission for the agreement to be shared. Well over 95% of mediations reach agreement, especially those conducted by qualified Mediators. But agreement is not always the be all and end all. Often just the fact that the participants have spoken and been heard is enough and the dispute is resolved without the need for ‘agreement’.
Agreement has been reached so that’s the end of it, right?
Not quite.
We always encourage our Mediators to contact the participants at an agreed time limit after the mediation and see if the agreement is holding up and/or how things are going. Has the agreement held etc? In the vast majority of cases, it has and everyone is happy. In those instances where it hasn’t then other options can be explored.
Is the process the same when mediation is conducted on-line and not in person?
The simple answer is yes, there are other considerations that need to be taken into account such as IT, internet services, the hosting service, ZOOM, Teams etc. Breakout rooms can still be used etc. The process though is the same albeit perhaps a little harder for the Mediator.
So that’s it – The mediation process in a nutshell, unless you have anymore questions, in which case please feel free to email info@prosperomediationandtraining.co.uk
